Ant with a Sledgehammer
Like an ant with a sledgehammer...
The past few weeks have been hard and beyond exhausting with not much writing being done on this front. Mom’s been in the hospital a combined total of 8 days over the past two weeks for a mass near her lung and fluid around that same lung. Radiation is taking care of the mass as I write this and soon she’ll have a drain to help with the fluid, but long story short, it’s exhausting. Not much gets done when you’re in the hospital waiting on news and praying for things to get better just while being there for mom as she fights this war on cancer. It’s a level of tired I can’t even begin to describe unless you’ve been there.
The only good thing about hospitals is getting time to catch up on reading. In the past two weeks I’ve managed to finish at least four good books which is more than I’ve been able to read in a long while in one setting. Reading is good. Books are good and sometimes the only escape from reality. While chemo is indeed working and she’s slowly winning this round with cancer (things are looking up despite the setbacks) there’s not much that can be done but waiting.
Chemo and radiation are basically like taking a sledgehammer to kill an ant. Messy, but effective. But it’s not just the ant that gets hit with the sledgehammer. The caregivers take a hit or two as well. Work gets put on the backburner. Finances take a hit. Exhaustion sets in. While I have managed to finish Stars Over Zephyr this past month, it’s a hot mess at best. But that’s what you get when you get cancer thrown at you. And that’s how things are right now.
We’re slowly getting back on track, but things might take a while to be updated. Blog posts may be few and far between for a while. It’s all part of the cancer process. Mom comes first, writing takes the backseat. And I’ve accepted that. Even with The Bone Roses coming out in a little over a month, there’s no time to celebrate the debut or even enjoy the dream becoming a reality. It’s doctor’s appointments and cancer treatments. A dark cloud hangs over everything. And that’s okay. Because this is what you get when cancer shows up. You just gotta accept it and roll with it because that’s all you can really do.
She’s winning the battle, slowly but surely, and we, the caregivers, are here to help her in every way we can. And that’s all that matters.